I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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