I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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