Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
