You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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