That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
