You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
