what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
