Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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