i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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