Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
