You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
