I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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