So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
