got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
