she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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