why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
