i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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