yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
