I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
