just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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