Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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