Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
