I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
