It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
