You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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