I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
