Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My vagina just recognized that song.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
