i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
