I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
