we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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