You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
