I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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