3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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