you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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