Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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