hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
