i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
