you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
