Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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