Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
