How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
