If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
