Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
