K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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