you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
