Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
