so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
