I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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