I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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