can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
