would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
