I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
