She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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